Location: NOVA-LU Mega Store, grand opening, sector 43.uv.2d2, 1 December 2011.

Gil Bender, Senior Field Agent, FADSA (continues to speak with a small cadre of consumers as they walk through consumer health product sections): “Ok ladies and gentlemen, we have leveraged but a sliver of Queen Mar’s power tools. I now want you, Mr. Pineda, to bring the Queen to your court of sports nutrition products.”

Mr. Pineda: “Thank you, Mr. Bender. I take more than a dozen supplements. What do you want me to pick?”

Agent Bender: “I’d like you to select your favorite ‘pre-workout’ product, and another pre-workout product one of your friends takes. Ladies and gentlemen, pre-workout products are a $100+ million category.”

Mr. Pineda: “I have used POWdr Kg for more than a year (as he grabs the jar of powder, and then receives the qNMaR Scan device from Agent Bender). Ok—here we go…” (Loud beep, device vibrates)

Agent Bender: “Mr. Pineda, would you please read the display to us? Everyone else, please pick up a jar and examine the Supplement Facts panel as he reads the scan results.” (Each group member picks up a jar).

Mr. Pineda: “Ok. Creatine…2.4569451 grams…Beta-Alanine…1.3345690 grams…Caffeine…274.9529 milligrams… And then I see 9.4489 milligrams of 2R 4R—‘methyl hex a’ blank blank, and a 2R 4S, a 2S 4R, and a 2S 4S, each followed by the same—‘methyl hex a’ blank blank. Oh man! Agent Bender?” (Mr. Pineda hands the device to him)

Agent Bender: “Thank you Mr. Pineda. This reads like a graduate chemistry textbook…and you were doing quite well! I’ll get to that ‘brain teaser,’ but first let’s ask your ‘classmates’ if this product aligns with what is claimed on the label. Ms. Alinson, tell us if POWdr Kg is up to snuff!”

Ms. Alinson: (appearing unsettled): “I’ve seen this product. In fact, my 17-year-old son uses this! (large sigh). Well…the label claims 2.75 grams of creatine from monohydrate…1.25 grams of beta-alanine, 250 milligrams of caffeine—ooh, a little high. Overall, close. But Agent Bender, that ‘2R 4R’ stuff worries me. What is that?”

Agent Bender: “Do you recall the last product we had the Queen scan, with R- and S-lipoic acid, and how I described them as both being ‘shoes’ but that one is for the left foot, and the other for the right foot? (group nods in acknowledgement). Well, a few dietary ingredients can exist in four different 3D forms—not just two—even though they are the ‘exact same’ ingredient. Look at your right hand, excluding your thumb. Now cinch down a rubber band around the two fingers in the middle (Agent Bender hands a rubber band to each person). You can make four different spatial arrangements of the pinky and index finger around the two middle fingers, in relation to each of the two outer fingers being oriented behind or in front of the two bound fingers (as he shows the group). The ‘2R 4R’ ingredient, and the three other R and S forms Mr. Pineda read off relate to a chemical called 1,3-dimethylpentylamine or methylhexanamine, claimed to be extracted from a plant called ‘geranium,’ indigenous to Earth, as it says on POWdr Kg’s label. The Queen’s scan showed that this product contains four forms of the same ingredient. More important, the ratios of the amounts of the four forms indicate this ingredient is not a plant extract but was chemically synthesized. Very few laboratories can perform this type of analysis and the Queen does it on the fly. Let’s move to the probiotics section…

Part III will appear in the next issue of Nutraceuticals World. Note: This column is fictional. Any mention of products herein, with a resemblance to products in commerce, is purely coincidental.